Wednesday, September 5, 2012

changes

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Coming home from a month in the States, there is always lots to process.  Being away helps you gain new perspective, being in community gives you wisdom, and having rest gives you clarity in a lot of areas.  Enjoying the comforts of the States can also muddy your vision and draw you back in.  That all being said, we know that no major decisions should ever be made in the months following our furlough.  But I think that the processing part is important and much can be gained from all that we took in during our break.

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We have made changes upon returning home.  Some are forced, like the fact that we found out that one of our kids needs lots of at-home help with school.  We brought home a whole curriculum and plan for "after schooling."  Some are changes that we knew we needed, but had been putting off, like letting our in-home help go.  And some changes are still to come.

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One thing that Blake and I are always discussing is, "What things are pulling us apart here in Peru; personally, as a couple, and as a family?"  We always want to be proactive in this department and not wait until everything has fallen apart and we have paid too high of a cost.  It became very clear to us, both during our furlough and after, that the way we are doing life here needs to majorly change.  Right now, Blake and I have two different missions.  Blake's mission is Krochet Kids.  My mission is our family.  While I know that this works in many families, ours included for 10 years, this just doesn't work while living in a foreign country.  It is very dangerous to navigate the pressures, stresses, failures, and triumphs of life here separately.  Blake and I need to be a team.  Our family needs to be together more.  Both the kids and I need to be more a part of Krochet Kids.

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{My view while working.  Watching Brady walk with his dad as he works.}

Honestly, the last year and a half here has taken such a toll on me that my involvement in Krochet Kids is minimal.  It is my greatest disappointment about our life here.  I had such high expectations with three of my kids in school fulltime.  God was calling us to Peru and it was going to be epic.  I was finally going to get out of the house and be a part of something.  But this is what happened instead.  And I am Humpty Dumpty trying to let God put me back together again.  It is a painful process that can't be rushed.  It takes my time, my energy, my everything most days.  Any and all energy I have left over has to go to my kids.  Their needs are great here too and I have heard God whispering over and over to me, "This is where you are needed."  I haven't had a great attitude about that because, really, God moved us to Peru so that I could stay home with my kids??  There are people in desperate need of Life and I'm sitting at home licking my wounds and doing homework.  Honestly, I'm still working that one out, but in my moments of doubt I know that I am in the middle of a holy and important process.  I feel that I am the one being given New Life.  A life of true dependence on God; where I consciously live, move, and have my being in God. {Acts 17:28}

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As I have had to put my energy into things at home and as Blake has had to put his energy into Krochet Kids (because running a NGO and production company in one in a foreign country is no small task), we have found ourselves with separate missions.  And while Blake fights hard to be home as much as possible, we just haven't figured out how to juggle it all.  We desperately need our family life and Krochet Kids to intersect more.

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So, we are dreaming big.  We are asking God to provide land where we can not only house Krochet Kids, but also our family.  We are begging God for community and plan on building two houses in anticipation that one day we will have another family join us.  We are asking for guidance in what to do for our kids' schooling.  For some of our kids, being pulled out of school here would actually free us up more, both physically and emotionally, to be involved in Krochet Kids.  We are boldly asking God to move in huge ways because we believe that He wants our family to be joined in one mission.  

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Last Friday, the kids didn't have school, so we headed to Krochet Kids for the day.  It was a long morning getting everyone ready and I really wanted to throw in the towel, but I got everyone in the car and we headed to Chorrillos (where Krochet Kids is located).  Traffic was horrible on the way there and as we sat going nowhere for 15 minutes I seriously wondered why I even bothered trying.  And then we got to Krochet Kids and I watched my kids have a great day serving and being a part of everything there and I knew that it was worth the fight.  So we keep fighting the fight and let God do His thing, anticipating that great things are in store for our family.

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{Brady passed out in the taxi on the way home.}

1 comment:

Jess Cudzilo said...

I love this so much. It is so easy for all of us to get into a routine and just stay there (even when it's not working the best). Getting out of our routine can be so eye-opening. I love that you put this in writing and I will pray along with you that God will do something amazing (He will). Continually inspired by you, thank you! xo