Friday, February 11, 2011

the superbowl made me cry

I have to admit it: Super Bowl Sunday was my hardest day in Peru so far. I know many of you are rolling your eyes or not feeling my love for sports. Let me explain. We had been coasting along, busy with setting up house, running around in a million different directions with no time to think about what we left behind in the United States. Truly, I have rarely let myself think about our home, our neighborhood, school, friends, and family. I was basically pretending that life wasn't going on without us and that we were on more of a short term trip. It is just too painful to think about how things used to be.

So, when Super Bowl Sunday rolled around all of my emotions came to a surface. I love NFL football (a lot), but I also just enjoy the tradition of that Sunday. I love the commercials, the halftime show, and the food. I love watching a game that means everything to the players come down to the wire. I got a little depressed that day and kept thinking that I would give just about anything to be in the United States, sitting on my old couch, watching the game. Instead we were spending another day spinning our wheels, not really getting anywhere but with so many things to do we couldn't see straight (and still can't).

Finally, after running a few errands we decided we needed to get to T.G.I. Friday's to watch the game. It was a great decision even though we had to keep a 2 year old happy in a sit down restaurant for a few hours. We have raised our kids right and the 3 big kids love NFL football so they were enthralled.

IMG_1017

During halftime was when I got all choked up. Something about watching and listening to the Black Eyed Peas. It reminded me of when Blake and I went to their concert with my sister and brother-in-law (Slash performed with Fergie then too). It was comforting to hear their songs that I love so much in a language I love so much.

It was just normal.

It is very difficult to go through an extreme life change with none of the comforts of home. The things you normally turn to for relief are no longer there. Things you never even realized you turned to for relief make themselves known.

As much I don't want to admit it, I like the way things are done in the United States. That way of life is comfortable for me. And I miss it.

I miss being able to connect with people because I can actually talk to them. I miss my van. I miss many of the foods we regularly ate and loved in the States. I miss the internet. I miss running to Target for fun. I miss knowing how to grocery shop. I miss my bed. I miss lazy Sunday afternoons on our couch. I miss tv (especially right now I would love to zone out and watch something mindless). I miss having a cell phone without prepaid minutes that are always running out. I miss Tyler having a booster seat at the dinner table. I miss the radio. I miss sending my kids to school with little to no effort. I miss fountain Coke with ice. I miss American ketchup. I miss "normal" sized toothpaste, milk, glasses. I miss our cul-de-sac and Riley having her best friend next door.

And of course we miss family and friends the most.

This is hard.

17 comments:

Mary A-J :) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary A-J :) said...

I can only imagine how hard it truly is, but major kuddos to your family for having the bravery to do what you are doing! I always dreamed of moving to another country and living. I thought that dream was gone when I married and had my son. But your family is proving to me it is still a possibility. A life altering one...but one none the less. I am sending you positive energy and support from Arizona.

Anonymous said...

Delurking to say: God bless you for your honesty. What you are doing is a grand adventure, but it is also hard -- and God sees your sacrifice!

~AJ
andreajames.net

Melissa Hodge said...

You give me insight into the life of an immigrant. I can "think" I know how to care and love for those that are displaced or relocated to a different culture and life but I have not truly experienced it for myself.

You help me understand the struggles. Our ability to minister and love the community we live in is aided in part by your honesty and transparency in the difficulty that is your life.

Thank you. Keep posting. Post often. It will comfort you and those that miss you and yours.

and yes, the half-time show was TIGHT. If I find a light up suit, I'll send you one. You know you want one.

Wendy M said...

Your honesty is beautiful, Sarah. I know you know this, but you might need to hear it again... Your feelings are normal, and it won't always feel this way. And you are normal. And you can do it. And you are loved.

mandie lane said...

I'm new to your blog, but had to come out of lurkerland to say you are an inspiration. You're doing something many of us would like to think we could do - but most of us aren't brave/strong/adventurous enough to go for it. And you did it! Go, YOU!

And I'm glad you weren't crying because you didn't like who won the Super Bowl. Because then I'd have to stop reading your blog. And that would be sad.

Sebrina Miller said...

My husband and I have been living in america for nearly four years, missionaries from England. It is so hard, missing little things such as the grocery store, clothes over the pond, and obviously the family and friends.

But I want to encourage you in the hard early days:
(1) you are impacting Peru more than you will ever realise
(2) you are setting an example and inspiration to people that you will never meet face to face
(3) you are showing that it is possible to break from our consumeristic escapades and go for something greater to help others
(4) you children will be blessed

!!

Cherish said...

I want to thank you for your honesty and your openness. As a lone mom of four young boys who has a heart for the world's poor, Im overwhelmed just thinking about the logistics of leaving Canada one day. Your blog is a reality check for me, and Im sure many others as well. Even in these posts that seem to focus on how hard this transition has been, you are helping others see how "normal" packing up and leaving your home can be. Thank you, truly.

Erika said...

hang in there. i know it is hard- very very hard. i have been through some really rough geographic transitions myself- and i have to say that it took awhile to settle in...a few months to feel comfortable. you are having a hard time, and that is okay. i am glad you are being so honest. it will get better. hang in there. (((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

Sarah and Blake,
Hang in there and know that you are just being pushed through a new threshold....it will be better on the other side. The gate is narrow right now but you will get through it.

Praying for you in San Luis Obispo.....Uncle Steve and Kacie

Sarah, you guy's inspire me! you will never regret this time in your life. You are raising your kid's with intention, and living your life with purpose. I'm sorry it's hard right now, and pray God gives you many new thing's to love and be excited about I know he will. I Love reading your blog. Blessing's and love, Kacie

Eli said...

I know it is hard to do what you are doing....

I moved by myself to Chile for a year. I missed the same things, at first. The transition is hard. It's hard not to understand the language.

Keep going, though, with patience and an open mind, because you will experience blessings in a way that you never thought possible before.

The Spanish will come. Give it another few weeks, and you'll start surprising yourself. Even though it is hard, keep trying to make personal connections.

I'm enjoying reading about your journey and praying for your family.

karamurano said...

I'm a follower from rage against the minivan and just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you and your family on this exciting new chapter of your lives. May God bless you and keep you and give you his peace that surpasses all understanding. <3

Anonymous said...

Sarah,
thanks for your honesty...praying for you guys to get through this transition time. I lived in Russia for 6 months back in college and was homesick for a bit..at the end of 6 months I wanted to stay in Russia; my language skills had really improved and I was finally getting a groove. I had to go back, reluctantly, to finish my B.A.
Just please remember how God is lovingly using you THERE and HERE in the States..trust me, He is using you here!
warmly,
Anne

Ra Ra said...

"hard"...Blake can tell you that is my favorite word. I used it all the time. Life is frickin' challenging!

Thanks for always sharing your REAL life...keeping it real. Be encouraged cause the path is narrow and you are sprinting down that narrow path! I am proud to be in this journey with yall...praying for you and God's work through your OBEDIENT response to the CALLING.

Life here is pretty rough feeling like all my time is spent sitting in front of this computer of mine planning lessons that take a few hours to create well then pass in 45 minutes. I feel I have no life. Sometimes I know it will get better but I feel like Im in a deep hole just waiting to get out. It is so hard to make God a priority in all this first year teaching stuff...I wonder if this is even pleasing to him cause I am so wrapped up in teaching...

Much love Goodfellows! Ra

Erika said...

i hope that things are looking up this week for you. (((hugs))) i was just reading this blog and it made me think of you (with the closet bedroom). does it get any cuter than this? thought it might be inspirational.

http://jordanferney.blogspot.com/2011/02/moses-and-romans-closet-part-iii.html

xoxo,
erika

Ms. Hughes said...

sarah-

i just read this after seeing your facebook post....so when i was living abroad the superbowl was clutch for me too. although i was watching it with all french people and they kept asking me why the referees were throwing "yellow hankies". hang in there friend. the first couple days, weeks, months are the hardest and then one day you will realize that you recognize your shop keepers and your teachers and your neighbors and you being to feel as though you are in a community.

Sarah said...

Holy cow, lots of comments! I love hearing from both dear friends and all of you guys who "delurked." From those who have been where I am and from those who are thinking about it. :) I am feeling the love and encouragement! Definitely brings a few tears to my eyes to see that so many people we love are on this journey with us in spirit. Makes me miss you all so much!!!!