Monday, October 11, 2010

the other side

I'll be honest, the stress of moving to a foreign country in 3 months has really hit us these past few weeks. We don't want to check out of life here in the States, so trying to keep up with our 2 worlds is running us into the ground. Blake is definitely burning the candle at both ends- working his job here and doing lots of prep work for his job in Peru.

And about once a week, I have a mini-panic attack. I start thinking and feeling completely overwhelmed by all that has to happen before we leave. Selling our house, selling all of our belongings, overseas health insurance, visas, picking the items that will make it into the 12 boxes we are taking to Peru, finding schools and an apartment, making sure we bring everything we "need" that we can't get in Peru since we have no clue when we will be back in the States, and, oh my gosh, I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH. Sometimes it feels like too much and I want to run from it all. Call it off and stay in my comfortable life. We have a routine, amazing friends, a public school we love, a house full of everything we need (and more), I can hop in my car and go to the grocery store, people here understand us, I feel safe, WE HAVE A TARGET.

I don't post all of this to complain about a situation that we are choosing to put ourselves in. I just want to keep it real. There is a peace, but there is also a fear. There is a temptation to give into what is easiest and most comfortable. But our calling is greater. And what Blake and I know to be true is this: the hardest times have also brought us the most joy. There is no turning back for us. Our eyes have been opened and we know what to do and we have been given the opportunity to do it.

We are headed to Peru in a few days for a short trip. I am so excited to finally lay eyes on Lima. We have a short amount of time to try and nail down some logistical stuff for our move, but we also want to enjoy our time there.

We will have internet access while there. I know that it is rather presumptuous to assume anyone cares, but if you do, I am planning on blogging and processing all that we do and see while we are there. This blog has turned into my journal and I'm thankful to be able to share it with those of you who read it.

I came across a spoken word just last night by Amena Brown. I hope that she doesn't mind that I am sharing an excerpt, but I love that it speaks to exactly what we are experiencing.

We are tempted
to bail on our goals
but discover
that under pressure
our vision becomes
remarkably crystallized.

A hundred voices
attempt to sway us
and we find we must
lean into God with
a faith deeper than we
have ever known.

The tension we resist
is actually by design.
It tests us, it tries us,
It conforms us to His image.

The tension is necessary,
The tension makes us strong,
The tension is good.

Amena Brown | 2009
(taken from the Catalyst brochure)

4 comments:

deb said...

Praying for you,Blake and the kids. "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Is.42:16
Still have a lot of love for all of you!

Angie said...

I have been enjoying your blog, as our family is going through something very similar. We, too, have felt uncomfortable with our level of comfort. And we are also selling our house and setting off into uncharted territories (I wish ours were as charted as yours, but we know God will show us when we are ready).
We have experienced a lot of peace mixed with doses of anxiety. My husband told me today that he had heard this and I wanted to pass it on to you:
When you are allowing God to transform your life, you only need to ask one question. That is "Why?" If you are certain about WHY you are going a certain direction with your life (and if the why is Spirit-led), then there is no need to ask "What if?" or "How?" You can leave all of that up to God...
Helped me today...hope it helps you.
I think our families (and many others) are part of an exciting movement in the church...God is moving in a big way!

Tove said...

I got into your blog somehow and find this so interesting and exciting. I wish you and your family all the best! Love from Sweden!

Sarah said...

Thank you all for your sweet comments!

Debbie- we love you guys and still miss having you here. I know you are loving all your grandbabies (I'm so excited for Allison and Jeff!!!)- what a blessing.

Angie- I love all that you wrote. I do think God is moving in a big way and I love watching it in so many people's lives. Our trip to Lima further confirmed that our decision is Spirit-led and I know that will help us get through the hard times. I hope your family has answers soon- I know what it feels like to wait and cry out for answers.

Tove- welcome and thank you! I love that I have an international reader- so fun.