Tuesday, October 28, 2008

our pregnancy journey

I've been meaning to share about the emotional roller coaster that is this pregnancy for awhile now. I think that I've been unintentionally putting it off and it's time to share. So here goes...

This pregnancy has been hard. At first it was just that I was really, really sick for 16 weeks and had 3 kids to take care of at the same time. But the really hard part of this pregnancy came at our 20 week ultrasound. We found out that our baby had a cyst on her brain. These cysts can be an indicator for Trisomy 18 which meant that our baby would be "incompatible with life." We were told that we had to make a decision that day as to whether we wanted to have an amino (which would determine if our baby actually had Trisomy 18). Obviously, I was in shock and immediately began researching choroid plexus cysts. Most of what I found said that in cases where only a cyst is found and other organs (especially the heart) appear to be healthy the cysts will resolve themselves before birth. Our little girl had a healthy heart along with all of her other organs. So, we decided the risk of amino was not worth it for us.

The other reason we decided not to do the amino and a very important part of our journey is the fact that the outcome of the amino changed nothing for us in terms of how we would handle the pregnancy. This was our daughter and we were not going to take away her chance at life- even if her life lasted hours. We were going to leave the door open for God to perform a miracle if he choose and most definitely for God to use her life. We were going to celebrate every minute that we had with her.

The weekend after finding out about the cyst I was a wreck. As much as I was comforted by the statistics that our baby was probably healthy, that little bit of uncertainty was enough to undo me. I wondered if we had made the wrong decision in not getting the amino. I wondered how in the world I was going to make it through the next 5 months worrying if the baby that I was carrying inside of me was going to survive outside my womb. I wondered if the nightmares I had that weekend were going to last the rest of the pregnancy. I wondered if I would be able to stop crying every time I thought about her.

Throughout the weekend I prayed for peace- the peace that only God can bring. And bring it He did! I am in absolute awe of the peace that God provided me these past 5 months. And in the times that weren't so peaceful and were hard, He provided comfort. I hate to sound cheesy, but I have to proclaim what God has done for us in this journey and He truly has taken care of us. He replaced hopelessness with hope, uncertainty with peace, sadness with joy, and death with life.

So, all that to say...we had our final ultrasound yesterday and our baby's cyst is gone! We are so thankful- so thankful. And if the outcome had been different- well, that wouldn't have changed who God is nor would it have changed His goodness. Because really none of our children are guaranteed to be healthy tomorrow or next year or in 10 years. But no matter what happens, God's peace and comfort will get us through it. And that's all that I need to know right now.

On a side note, our baby looked to be about 7 1/2 pounds at almost 37 weeks! So, the plan right now is to induce a week early to avoid another Brady-sized baby (who was a week early and weighed 9 lbs, 13 oz). That means we're having a baby in 2 weeks!! And for a reality check, here's our baby's "nursery." Being the 4th child and all, her "nursery" is a pack'n'play in the corner of our room. But, it is a brand new pack'n'play which is very exciting!


Kristin said...

YAY! GOD IS GOOD! I had tears in my eyes as I read your post. I can't imagine what that weekend was like for you as well as the following months. I love how you described the peace that God has given you all. An amazing testimony to what it means to truly "give it to God" and to TRUST. Thank you for sharing...I will keep you all in my prayers these next few weeks.

P.S.- A 9 lb. 13 oz. baby--amazing...you are to be commended!

Melissa said...

God is great!! Oh, that's great news!

You don't know me, but I know your parents. When I attended Wake, your father was such a role model for me! He and your mother both have a heart of gold and full of God. I still run into them on occasion, your Dad still running strong with student life. When will that man retire? ;) I hope you don't mind me posting here since I really don't know you, Blake, or the kids, but I just wanted to say that I'm praying for a healthy and safe labor, and a new and exciting life with God's precious little girl He's giving you! Is Gayle making a trip out there in advance of Baby Goodfellow's arrival? Prayers for safety all around!

Anonymous said...

Sarah I'm so happy to hear about the good health of Baby Girl!!!You are such a strong lady and I can only imagine what you've been going through. So glad that is behind you!! This is wonderful news and God is definitely good! Stacy W.